Mytherea

Yeeeeeeah, kinda have let this poor page slide. I still upload art occasionally, but a lot of my attention has been focused on writing. I still paint, though it's more of a relaxation thing and hobby than it is that soul- and marrow-deep drive that it used to be. Oh, and I do pick up the occasional commission here and there, though since I've both raised my prices and gotten an actual job with a paycheck, I can now be far more selective when it comes to projects and clients. Lately, I've become obsessed with hands for feet, thus, the Hands series. Probably gonna have more of those going forward, and I might be able to post some commission stuff up here too.

Currently, I'm in grad school working on my MFA in creative writing. I should be done with that next summer (2019). I'm currently working on my fourth book and I'm unofficially participating in NaNo with a halved word count goal 'cause I've got schoolwork, job-work, and a few beta-reads I'm working on, and 50,000 words is just setting myself up for failure. Doing well though. Got about 5,000 so far, so averaging 1,000 a day, which is nice. For months, I was stuck in a funk and maybe did 500 a day. Now, I've hit my stride again, and it's a nice feeling. 

Querying my last book. No bites, but I'm not really expecting any. I might dream of it, but I don't expect it. Still submitting short stories. I've got one published now, one bought with the anthology release TBA. 

Still reading. Still writing. Still painting. 

It was... funny, I suppose, to find that I never updated my interests section on dA, so I still had stuff up there from, like, ten years ago. 

Lately (at least a year, probably longer), I've been struggling with my sense of confidence in what I create and something that's often called Impostor Syndrome. I won't go too far into it, because it's a negative ball of toxic crap and burns anyone who touches it, including me, and I don't really want to inflict that on you, but I've realized, importantly, that I don't share my art with anyone anymore. And I think that's shriveling me on the inside. 

While at college, I hid a lot of things because I felt shame. Shame that I wrote so many pages and people gave me dagger-looks for it, and I had to choose between being prolific and being good, because in their minds, you can't be both. Shame that I wrote what they called "genre" instead of the "true" art-form of "literature." Shame that I could draw, too. I'll never forget that one kid who saw me doodling and demanded, "If you draw like that, why are you trying to get a writing degree?" That one hurt, 'cause drawing is my hobby and something that makes me happy, but writing is my passion and something that fills me with joy. 

I had a few associates. I don't know if I'd call most of them friends, since I couldn't share that one thing that was so personal to me--my creativity--because I did so once and the jerk burned me so badly, I still hear his voice in my head (he took me apart, piece by piece, for two years; I'm still fixing the damage he caused). 

But I so, so desperately want to share what I do. It's hard to keep screaming into a void and never hearing anything but my own voice echoing back across an impossible distance. I want to share what I make in a space where I feel safe. And yesterday, I remembered: 

"I felt safe on DeviantART." 

I miss the community I had on here. I miss the friends that I made. I miss the connection I had with other people, a connection that wasn't toxic or competitive or destructive. I miss all of you and I want to come back. 

I've decided to share my writing on here. Maybe a bit more art, since I've been doing more of it now (though not much is finished). Mostly, I'll share the stuff that I either can't find a market for, or was fun but not publishable for whatever reason. I'm going to try to be more active again and give as much as I take. 

Somehow, Christmas crept up on me. The school semester is finished (and, oh, was it a semester from HELL; I am SO glad it's over and done with and I never have to experience it again), I'm doing art again, and I really need to get back on a writing schedule. I'd done quite a bit of art during the semester, but since they were gift-doodles on other people's manuscripts, I don't have copies. Ah, well. I have quite a few pieces that are half-done that I'll get around to completing and uploading. 

For the first time in, maybe, ever, I get to have a quiet Christmas. No major explosions of chaos, no craziness, just peace and quiet and an easy dinner. 

How are your winter breaks going? Anyone else in college taking the opportunity to do all the art they couldn't do during class? If you don't have a full winter break, what're you doing for the holidays? 

Surprise-surprise, for the first time in (roughly) three years, I have ads. I don't think I'll renew though, simply because I don't use dA as a portfolio anymore, so I have no reason to try and impress anyone.

Yep, brief. Back to (supposedly) writing that dang Anthropology paper (though technically, it's Linguistics, but let's not split such hairs). I took three hours of work-time to watch Captain America: Winter Soldier so gotta catch up.

Anyone else experiencing end-of-the-semester term-paper crunches? (I've got four due by Wednesday, woo)